This is going to be a hard one to win. I think my best stories are already posted here, so I am going to dig into the old bag and pull out a couple.
Bubba is a Millionaire
About 9 years ago I am working with an auction company out of Virginia and it is my responsibility to register the bidders for a fairly large and expensive parcel of land. The requirement is that bidders must present $50,000 in certified funds in order to be qualified to bid.
Most of the attendees are in suits or higher end casual clothes except one guy. I continue to check funds and register those in line and finally get to the gentleman that looks a little out of place. He is chewing a large wad of tobacco, spitting in the dirt and has stains all over his well worn overalls. When he gets to the head of the line, I check his registration, view and ID and ask to see his certified check, just like I did with everyone else.
I ain't got a certified check, son.
I'm sorry sir. You need to have $50,000 in certified funds to register.
Come with me boy.
So I am being led over to an old car. The word "junker" comes to mind. The man has his hand on my shoulder very, very firmly. We get to the car and the man pulls a screwdriver out of the leg pocket of the overalls, sticks it into a hold where the trunk lock used to be and turns it. This is a relief as I was convinced that the screwdriver was going to get stuck into me!
The trunk opens to reveal about 10 doctor bags. The man grabs to at random and opens them. Both are full of $20's, $50's and $100's.
"Son, I would bet you that the other bags look just like those two."
"Well sir, it looks like you are bidder number 12"
One Way to Ruin a Silk Suit
Another auction story for you. On this one we are selling a commercial building at foreclosure auction. The debtor needs to pay the lender over $400,000 by 10am on the morning of the auction or the auction will commence at 11am.
At 10:15 the debtor shows up at the auction site.
Debtor Description - Nigerian (minister), white silk double breasted suit, driving a Jaguar.
Did I mention that we are again in Virginia which is a concealed carry state? Most of the guys in the crew are NRA members and they are going to carry their guns wherever they darned well please.
The debtor is screaming and yelling. Everyone is just backing up telling him to calm down. After a minute or so we realize that as we are backing up, we are going into a corner. The only way out is past Mr. Silk.
Then it happens. Mistake number 1. He says the absolute wrong thing. "If you sell this building today I am going to KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY" Nice minister, huh?
Did I mention the NRA and the guys I am with?
Mistake number 2. He reaches inside the double breasted suit coat.
Everyone else reaches inside their suit coat.
Mr. Silk comes out with a cell phone.
Nobody else comes out with anything that looks like a cell phone.
To this day, I wonder if he ever got the brown stain out of that nice suit.
Do you have questions about distressed assets, receivership or bankruptcy sales, auctions? Email me at rfk@gryphonusa.com and I'll try to answer it in an upcoming post.
Richard F. Kruse is the President of Columbus, Ohio based Gryphon USA, Ltd. (www.gryphonusa.com). The Gryphon Organization includes Gryphon Asset Management providing receivership and consulting services in the distressed marketplace, United Country Gryphon Realty & Auction Group (www.ucohiorealty.com & www.ucohioauctions.com) providing real estate brokerage and auction services throughout Ohio and OnlineAuctionUSA.com (www.onlineauctionusa.com) providing commercial asset liquidations from the Midwest to East Coast.
United Country Gryphon Realty & Auction Career Opportunities Available. Call 614-885-0020 x 17
funny stories Rich. i imagined bubba with the screwdriver and anticipated your fear of geting stuck. the other mental picture of the cell phone and a bunch of guns made me smile also.
i grew up in miami. its a carry concealed depending on your state of mind! :) to conceal or not to conceal! yikes!!
Rich,
Too hilarious, way too hilarious! So what happened to end the second story?
Please tell.
Lucky :)
Joan - In many states there are provisions that allow either the sheriff OR a substitute to sell the property. Usually the sub is a professional auctioneer. The property is marketed to the public and we get all sorts. In this type of auction it is VERY common for the property to sell to someone other than the bank.
R
Rich,
You lead such an exciting existence. I'm getting my real estate thrills through you. My real estate stories are quite bland in comparison.
Fran
Rich / Bryant, where I live we have Dellionares who carry lots of plastic.
Rich you've got my vote! This was a great post! I'll laugh all day now.
Rich,
I was going to respond with my story of three grubbiest future clients, I'd met. The first grease covered guy turned out to be the Chairman of the Board of one of the Countries largest drug companies, I never did work for him but he sent me another board member son of the companies founder. The second near do well turned out to be the "Kitty Litter King" him self. Then there was the man that reminded me of "Bidder #12" he pulled me over on a public road, his car had been an earl Chevy sedan, berfore a blow torch had removed the top and trunk lid. There was a plastic chair duck taped in behind the steering wheel an about a dozen 55 gal open toped barrels filled with "Road Apples" in the remains. The little driver look and smelled like he had filled the barrels from the inside. He turned out to own the property I had been looking at, the local jewelry store and 10% or so of the town. I never did buy his farm but we did several deals together.
I even had a land lording suggestion for "Land Lord Girl" I stole the idea from John T Reed, he stole it from one of the Salt Lake Gurus. When your walking around an apartment building blow a silent dog whistle near each door and you'll find all the hidden dogs, that are not on the leases.
Then I remembered that I gave you a great idea on roach control and never heard from you! So I'm not going to comment on bidder # 12, or say something tripe like "you can't judge a book by it's cover" until I hear from you.
Bill
William J Archambault Jr
The Real Estate Investment Institute
http://www.reii.org
Rich, Rich, Rich,
Like the cat I share living quarters and Brenda with, it doesn't matter what you say. Just stroke my ego!
One of these days I'll tell you more of the snake strories. They didn't get rid of the tenant but the land lord left!
Bill
Bill,
I'll join Rich on this one.
Praise. Praise. Praise.
Now will you tell us another snake story??
Melissa
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Just for Milssa and Land Loard Man.
Real Estate Volume CDLVIII, Chapter 1372a: House 12
Bill
You never know who will be at your auction. Never pre-judge.
Charles Parrish